


i burn up

by adorecas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Implied Character Death, Implied Relationships, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-06
Updated: 2013-01-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 23:37:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/627794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorecas/pseuds/adorecas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas drives the Impala for the first and last time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i burn up

> inspired by this song ([x](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCSMCgqlc-0))

  
Cas’ foot pressed even harder on the gas pedal, his knuckles going white on the steering wheel. He hadn’t learned much about driving cars, but he was apt enough to figure it out on his own, after watching them be driven for so long.

The Impala was different, though.

It had dents and marks that were nearly infinitesimal but Cas was acutely aware of them. He could sense every wear in the seat, and every knick in the frame. He could practically feel _Dean_ in the car – his scent was still in the leather and Cas inhaled deeply as much as he could. 

He had been driving for hours. He didn’t know where he was and he didn’t care. He had screamed. He had cursed and punched the dashboard, cringing at the pain in his knuckles. He had raged until he was hoarse and kept screaming anyway.

But mostly, he had prayed.

He prayed as though his life depended on it. And, in a way, it did. Dean was gone now and Sam had been gone for a few months – what did Cas have left on Earth? He prayed every hour, pleading with anyone who might be listening. Mostly, though, he prayed directly to God. It was generally one question – _why._

_“Why, God? Why Dean? Why not me?”_

But there was no answer. There was just a buzzing, too-loud silence in his mind. He missed the incessant chatter of his brothers and sisters. He missed Dean’s nagging and teasing. He missed Sam’s intelligent conversations and his smirk whenever he saw Dean being extra tender with Cas. He missed the feeling of having someone around him who cared about him.

The Impala kept speeding down the dark highway, clouds of dust manifesting behind it. Cas could only pray harder that his pain would fade, that the dust clouds behind the Impala would take his hurt away on the wind.

He hadn’t visited the grave site he had made for Dean. He burned the body of course, but he felt there ought to be a grave anyway. Something to immortalize Dean on Earth. Once he had erected the tombstone, though...he had never gone back. The slab of stone wasn’t where he felt Dean’s presence the most. He felt Dean here, in the front seat of the Impala. He could feel Dean’s eyes on his face, his hand on Cas’ knee. 

Tears clouded his vision as he tried to make the car go faster. The windows were all down, the way Dean would sometimes let Cas do on long trips. The wind blowing in his hair and whipping the lapels of his coat around reminded him of flying. It wasn’t the same – but it was the best he could do now. Dean had always pretended not to notice the tears rolling down his cheeks when he put his head out the window. It wasn’t until they had pulled over, Cas’ hair an absolute mess, that Dean would reach over and press his fingers to Cas’ cheek and wipe away the stray tears that were still falling. 

Now, the tears just kept coming. Cas refused to wipe them away, terrified that it would be admitting Dean was gone. Terrified of Dean never coming back. 

Cas sighed, his throat burning from screaming and crying. There was nothing left for him on Earth, and no way of following Dean to Heaven of his own accord. His eyes slowly closed and his grip on the steering wheel loosened. He turned up the soft rock music on the radio until it was so loud it hurt his ears. The speakers strained as the music got louder, and Cas wept. The last thing he remembered was feeling a light brush of fingers across his cheek, trying to dry his tears.


End file.
